Advanced ➔ Results The MoneyistMy brother stole $100K from my mom to buy bitcoin. Do I convince her to sue him. ‘He’s so manipulative’Last d: June 27, 2025 at 8:01 a.
ETFirst Published: June 26, 2025 at 5:40 a. ETResizeListen(9 min)“He treats my parents his employees, telling them what to do and how to do it. ” (Photo subject is a model.
) Photo: Getty Images/iStockphotoDear Quentin,I am so glad there is a place to send my thorny question.
I am a longtime reader and have learned a lot from you, especially that with good planning you can avoid lots of heartache and family stress.
Unfortunately, while I to look ahead, the rest of my family are not planners. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Here is the background. I am the oldest of two children.
My brother s in California, I in Washington and our parents are in Utah. They are in their early 70s and have not yet made a will.
My dad would an attorney’s office to be the estate executor because my brother and I do not nearby, and for other reasons.
My brother treats my parents his employees, telling them what to do and how to do it.
When my mom inherited money from her family four years ago, he convinced her to put the money into an account with a high interest rate. He also convinced her to put some in bitcoin.
My mother is not an educated woman and just went along with it. The $100K bitcoin swindleA few months later when she logged in to check her balance, the account was empty.
My brother had transferred $100,000 into bitcoin BTCUSD without telling her. He had her passwords because he had helped to set up the account originally.
She was furious and demanded her money back, but he convinced her to wait a few years.
When I told my mom it was a good time to pull her money out of bitcoin, she confessed that my brother had put her money into his own bitcoin account.
She acknowledges that he stole from her, but she refuses to do anything it. She says that in the will, I will get $100,000 more, but I don’t care that. My parents’ life revolves around him.
Anytime my brother needs “help” they will drop everything and drive to California to help with his dogs or his daughter, who he has no time to raise.
My parents just don’t want to fight with him, and so I don’t think they’ll ever bring up the bitcoin. They say they’re almost “even” now because my brother gave them his old cars.
The ‘gift’ of used vehiclesThose cars were worth maybe $60,000 combined, but my parents had perfectly good cars to begin with. I tried to explain to them that a car is not cash; its value depreciates.
I wouldn’t be so upset except that I worry that my parents don’t have enough for retirement.
Also, my brother still hasn’t signed over the titles for the cars because he’s too “busy and stressed right now. ”Because he is so manipulative, I also worry them getting older.
I would to have a power of attorney for them, but I think my brother could convince them to put him in charge.
This is ly a family issue more than a money issue, but I would still to avoid any money blems if possible. My mom already doesn’t to talk it.
I would to suggest to my parents that instead of leaving their money to my brother and me, she could set up a trust for each of her three grandkids for college.
Their house, which is paid off, is worth $550,000.
They started retirement a year ago with $300,000 in cash (I don’t know if that was after my brother took $100,000) and they have Social Security and a 401(k). What should I do now.
Daughter/SisterRelated: My friend asked me to pay $1,600 for her son’s m-night limo. Has the world gone mad.
Your mother and father are already dealing with one willful child, and they may see more pressure — even from a responsible, loving and supportive daughter — as unwelcome.
Photo: MarketWatch illustrationDear Daughter,I agree with both you and your mother, even if your apaches may differ. Your mom knows more than you bably realize.
She knows your brother is a ne’er-do-well. But she still loves him.
She knows that he stole $100,000 from her and invested it in a bitcoin account in his name only even though he was purporting to do her a favor. But she still loves him.
She knows he will continue his shenanigans ad nauseum. But she still loves him.
The bar is obviously a lot higher for you, as you also know the cut of your brother’s jib, and you’ve been witnessing it for more years than you care to remember.
You don’t your brother and you don’t appreciate how he continues to exploit and cheat your parents. He is not your child, so you’re not as willing to let things slide. That’s also fair enough.
But your mother is older than you and she doesn’t want to get involved in a tracted legal drama with your brother and publicly humiliate him.
I’m sure plenty of people are aware of how he operates, and he suffers the consequences of that.
The risk to her mental health and the time it would take from her life is not worth the reward, if there was a reward. What can she do.
The first thing she should do now is make sure all her passwords are changed on her accounts, and alert her bank to the risk of further embezzlement, so they can monitor her account.
Banks have, for the most part, gotten wise to phishing scams and financial abuse, and take note when older people move to make large withdrawals from their accounts.
You could also suggest that your parents freeze their credit with the three major credit bureaus — Experian, TransUnion and Equifax — in case your brother decides to take out a loan in your parents’ names.
If he is embarking on a new venture, it wouldn’t do any harm to mark their cards that, given his track record, he may come calling should debtors come knocking on his door.
I support your endeavor to have a durable power of attorney for your parents so you can manage their affairs if they become incapacitated, along with a healthcare directive to make medical decisions for them.
They can also consider options such as a do-not-resuscitate order, if they don’t wish to have life-sustaining measures taken if their heart stops or they stop breathing.
These are all good questions to raise. The cart and the horseYour challenge, as many children of aging parents well know, is how far, how long and how hard to push for these tections.
Your mother and father are already dealing with one willful child, and they may see more pressure — even from a responsible, loving and supportive daughter — as unwelcome.
You can plant a seed, but you can’t get them to water it. In the meantime, act as an invisible gatekeeper. If your brother plans to visit your parents, organize a trip for yourself at the same time.
Make sure your parents’ mobile phones are secure and that they don’t leave passwords or important documents lying around.
Make sure their will (and copies of it) are kept in a safe place, in addition to at their lawyer’s office. Stay vigilant.
If you suspect that your brother is engaging in elder abuse — emotional, physical, psychological or financial — you can report his actions to adult tective services, or call 911 and local law-enforcement authorities or your district attorney’s office.
But even if you did report this $100,000 theft, it sounds your mother would not press charges. Call and visit as often as you can. They will need oversight.
The National Careline offers, among other organizations, advice on next steps, including ing the local council and reporting the issue to Adult tective Services, District Attorney’s office, and/or to the police or Sheriff’s office.
Find your local APS here. You can IdentityTheft. Gov to report identity theft and get a recovery plan. It is managed by the Federal Trade Commission.
You can also call 1-877-IDTHEFT (1-877-438-4338); Telecommunications device for the deaf: 1-866-653-4261. The National Center on Elder Abuse, a government agency affiliated with the U.
Administration on Aging, says 1 in 10 people over the age of 60 in the U. Experienced some form of abuse in the prior year. Re lags new forms of financial abuse.
Related: My friend, 83, wants to add me to his bank account to pay his bills. What could go wrong. You can The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.
Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more , or weigh in on the Moneyist .
The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually. Previous by Quentin Fottrell:‘She acted as a mother to me growing up’: My stepmother remarried after my father died.
How can I claim my inheritance. ‘My wife and I are very grateful’: Our son wants to pay off our mortgage before we retire. Will this backfire. ‘Is this ethical.
’ I want to leave my to my children from my first marriage — and not to my second husband.
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the Author Quentin FottrellQuentin Fottrell is MarketWatch's Managing Editor-Advice and The Moneyist columnist. You can him on Twitter @quantanamo.
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