My brother stole $100K from my mom to buy bitcoin. Do I convince her to sue him?

ETResizeListen(9 min)“He treats my parents his employees, telling them what to do and how to do it. ” (Photo subject is a model. ) Photo: Getty Images/iStockphotoDear Quentin,I am so glad there is a place to send my thorny question

I am a longtime reader and have learned a lot from you, especially that with good planning you can avoid lots of heartache and family stress

Unfortunately, while I to look ahead, the rest of my family are not planners

Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated

Here is the background

I am the oldest of two children

My brother s in California, I in Washington and our parents are in Utah

They are in their early 70s and have not yet made a will

My dad would an attorney’s office to be the estate executor because my brother and I do not nearby, and for other reasons

My brother treats my parents his employees, telling them what to do and how to do it

When my mom inherited money from her family four years ago, he convinced her to put the money into an account with a high interest rate

He also convinced her to put some in bitcoin

My mother is not an educated woman and just went along with it

He had her passwords because he had helped to set up the account originally

She was furious and demanded her money back, but he convinced her to wait a few years

When I told my mom it was a good time to pull her money out of bitcoin, she confessed that my brother had put her money into his own bitcoin account

She acknowledges that he stole from her, but she refuses to do anything it

My parents’ life revolves around him

Anytime my brother needs “help” they will drop everything and drive to California to help with his dogs or his daughter, who he has no time to raise

My parents just don’t want to fight with him, and so I don’t think they’ll ever bring up the bitcoin

They say they’re almost “even” now because my brother gave them his old cars

I tried to explain to them that a car is not cash; its value depreciates

I wouldn’t be so upset except that I worry that my parents don’t have enough for retirement

Also, my brother still hasn’t signed over the titles for the cars because he’s too “busy and stressed right now. ”Because he is so manipulative, I also worry them getting older

I would to have a power of attorney for them, but I think my brother could convince them to put him in charge

This is ly a family issue more than a money issue, but I would still to avoid any money blems if possible

My mom already doesn’t to talk it

I would to suggest to my parents that instead of leaving their money to my brother and me, she could set up a trust for each of her three grandkids for college

Has the world gone mad

Your mother and father are already dealing with one willful child, and they may see more pressure — even from a responsible, loving and supportive daughter — as unwelcome

Photo: MarketWatch illustrationDear Daughter,I agree with both you and your mother, even if your apaches may differ

Your mom knows more than you bably realize

She knows your brother is a ne’er-do-well

But she still loves him

But she still loves him

She knows he will continue his shenanigans ad nauseum

But she still loves him

The bar is obviously a lot higher for you, as you also know the cut of your brother’s jib, and you’ve been witnessing it for more years than you care to remember

You don’t your brother and you don’t appreciate how he continues to exploit and cheat your parents

He is not your child, so you’re not as willing to let things slide

That’s also fair enough

But your mother is older than you and she doesn’t want to get involved in a tracted legal drama with your brother and publicly humiliate him

I’m sure plenty of people are aware of how he operates, and he suffers the consequences of that

The risk to her mental health and the time it would take from her life is not worth the reward, if there was a reward

The first thing she should do now is make sure all her passwords are changed on her accounts, and alert her bank to the risk of further embezzlement, so they can monitor her account

Banks have, for the most part, gotten wise to phishing scams and financial abuse, and take note when older people move to make large withdrawals from their accounts

You could also suggest that your parents freeze their credit with the three major credit bureaus — Experian, TransUnion and Equifax — in case your brother decides to take out a loan in your parents’ names

If he is embarking on a new venture, it wouldn’t do any harm to mark their cards that, given his track record, he may come calling should debtors come knocking on his door

I support your endeavor to have a durable power of attorney for your parents so you can manage their affairs if they become incapacitated, along with a healthcare directive to make medical decisions for them

They can also consider options such as a do-not-resuscitate order, if they don’t wish to have life-sustaining measures taken if their heart stops or they stop breathing

These are all good questions to raise

The cart and the horseYour challenge, as many children of aging parents well know, is how far, how long and how hard to push for these tections

Your mother and father are already dealing with one willful child, and they may see more pressure — even from a responsible, loving and supportive daughter — as unwelcome

You can plant a seed, but you can’t get them to water it

In the meantime, act as an invisible gatekeeper

If your brother plans to visit your parents, organize a trip for yourself at the same time

Make sure your parents’ mobile phones are secure and that they don’t leave passwords or important documents lying around

Make sure their will (and copies of it) are kept in a safe place, in addition to at their lawyer’s office

Call and visit as often as you can

They will need oversight

The National Careline offers, among other organizations, advice on next steps, including ing the local council and reporting the issue to Adult tective Services, District Attorney’s office, and/or to the police or Sheriff’s office

Find your local APS here

You can IdentityTheft

Gov to report identity theft and get a recovery plan

It is managed by the Federal Trade Commission

The National Center on Elder Abuse, a government agency affiliated with the U

Administration on Aging, says 1 in 10 people over the age of 60 in the U

Experienced some form of abuse in the prior year

Re lags new forms of financial abuse

Related: My friend, 83, wants to add me to his bank account to pay his bills

You can The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch

Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues

Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more , or weigh in on the Moneyist

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Previous by Quentin Fottrell:‘She acted as a mother to me growing up’: My stepmother remarried after my father died

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By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Co. , the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use your story, or versions of it, in all media and platforms, including via third parties. the Author Quentin FottrellQuentin Fottrell is MarketWatch's Managing Editor-Advice and The Moneyist columnist

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