I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 10 years. Do I take a part-time job to spend more time with my kids or get a job for six figures?

Advanced ➔ Results The MoneyistI’ve been a stay-at- mom for 10 years

ETResizeListen(10 min)“I’ve been a stay-at- mom for the last decade

It’s one of the hardest jobs because the work is constant and there are no holidays or sick days. ” (Photo subject is a model. ) Photo: Getty Images/iStockphotoDear Quentin,I’ve been thinking the kind of life I want, why I want it, and the finances needed to get there

We in a high-cost-of-living area and have to stay since my husband’s work is here

Our children are in elementary school and finally settling in, but I wouldn’t mind moving somewhere else for better schooling and grams for kids with ADHD and speech issues

Growing up, my parents drilled it into me to work hard, which I really appreciate

At the same time, they were not supportive when I went into the workforce

When I got my first motion, they scoffed at the paltry increase

I’ve been working since I was 14; sometimes in the family , sometimes with side gigs

If I had d even a quarter of what I’ve earned and put it into a Roth IRA, I’d have a decent nest egg when I reach my 50s

I find it very odd that for parents who want me to be my best, they didn’t educate me personal finance, but just kept pushing me to get more schooling and work more hours at the family

I guess it was easier to keep me under control that way

Now, I’ve been a stay-at- mom for the last decade

It’s one of the hardest jobs because the work is constant, there are no holidays or sick days, there are no colleagues or intellectual stimulation, and my parents are still scoffing at my life choices when they were the ones to push me to get married and have kids

I did find a man I love and who loves me and I’m so grateful for our two beautiful, healthy kids, but I still hear the criticisms, expectations and disappointments inside my head

Again, I find it odd that my parents would push me to get married and have kids without a plan for getting back to work

Can we afford to retire

A fessional crossroadsWhat now

Do I take a low-paying part-time job that allows me the freedom and flexibility to be there for my kids

Or do I put them in after-school grams that are a bit of a madhouse so that I can work a full-time job

Do I take courses and earn certificates and go for a six-figure position in the field

Or do I work at my kids’ school or in a municipal office

My husband makes a good living, which allows me to stay and take care of the kids

But I’m aware that if something happens to either of us, our family/kids would be in trouble

So that is a good reason for me to at least try to make six figures

Part of me wants to get a master’s degree in library science online and apply to work at local libraries

So I may only go that route if there are scholarships or such

So much of my head has been filled with thoughts of needing to be the best, the brightest, the wealthiest, and I’ve just come to the realization that that’s not where true happiness lies

What is the minimum needed to have a decent retirement

I feel awful that we have nothing set aside for our kids’ college funds, but I am thinking that I could work at a college that vides tuition benefits to direct family members

Is this a possibility

Just to make this scenario extra fun, my parents have tried offering me monetary gifts with conditions that would make me feel I would be again under their control

I wonder if I’m being naive and stupid not to accept some of these gifts

Stay-at- MomRelated: My job is offering me a payout

Nobody will write, “I wish I spent more time at the office” on their gravestone

Photo: MarketWatch illustrationDear Mom,The last thing I want to do is give you work, but I’m going to give you work

The first thing you can do is get a giant piece of paper and write all the things your parents did to disappoint you, annoy you, thwart you, undermine you, frustrate you and generally make you feel less than

Then buy a giant red marker and write in big letters over all of those complaints: “THEY DID THE BEST THEY COULD AT THE TIME. ” And then burn it

They want to help you now

Maybe it’s a form of amends, or perhaps they believe they were good parents

They did what they did

They said what they said

They are who they are

They wanted to help you, but they didn’t have all the skills

There was no workbook, as you know, and what’s done is done

The second thing you can do is know that everyone has regrets, particularly financial ones, and it’s easy to have the decision-making skills of Mary Barra or Warren Buffett when you’re looking back with hindsight

When you’re done forgiving your parents for raising you, forgive yourself for all the twists and turns you wish you’d done differently

If it helps, get out a separate sheet of paper and write all the good decisions you’ve made in one column, with your regrets in another column, and do the same thing again

Take out that red pen and write: “I DID THE BEST I COULD AT THE TIME. ” And burn it

You’ve gotten this far

If you’re unsure whether to go back to work full-time or part-time, ease back into it

If it suits you, good

If you get the urge to go back and join the rat race full-time with an eye on a six-figure salary in a job that gives you a renewed sense of purpose, fantastic

Perhaps it would allow you and your husband to pay off your mortgage earlier than planned

But there’s no right/wrong answer

Nobody will write, “I wish I spent more time at the office” on their gravestone

A tailor-made retirementHere’s the headline: It’s OK to take the foot off the pedal when your children get a little older and you have more time to yourself

You’ve been working a 24/7 job raising your kids

Re shows that women take more time off from their careers than men and their lifetime income suffers as a result, as does their ability to rejoin the workforce at a similar level of seniority

Life, society and the workplace, as they’re currently structured, are not fair or equal

But you have a husband who works full time and earns a good living, so see a financial therapist or a psychologist and talk through your plans

You don’t have to put even more pressure on yourself

If your gut tells you that a master’s in library science does not have the kind of reward that makes it worthwhile, don’t do it

What’s missing from my answer is women’s voices, so here are a few thoughts on your letter returning to work from the Moneyist Facebook Group. “You’ll be viding a good role model for the kids, too

Since family life is a job in itself, don’t let the new job be too demanding, just pleasantly challenging,” one woman writes. “Start by taking a few classes at a local community college to get some idea of what you might to pursue,” another adds

A former teacher says: “Although teaching wasn’t at the top of the pay scale, by 63 I was retired and debt-free with enough to well and do a little traveling. ”The past is another country

The future is a travel agent’s window

Give yourself a break today

Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues

Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more , or weigh in on the Moneyist

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually

I think we should invest the money

Can I afford to retire when my husband, 59, draws Social Security at 62

By ing your questions to The Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on The Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch

By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Co. , the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use your story, or versions of it, in all media and platforms, including via third parties. the Author Quentin FottrellQuentin Fottrell is MarketWatch's Managing Editor-Advice and The Moneyist columnist

You can him on Twitter @quantanamo

Terms of Use DPrivacy NoticeCookie Notice MarketWatchCustomer CenterNewsroom RosterVirtual Stock ExchangeMarketWatch GuidesCopyright PolicyManage NotificationsCancel My SubscriptionCompanyDow JonesCode of ConductCorrectionsRes & LicensingDigital Self ServiceYour Ad ChoicesCorporate SubscriptionsAccessibilityDow Jones NetworkThe Wall Street JournalBarron'sInvestor's DailyBigChartsFinancial News Londonrealtor

ComMansion GlobalDow Jones Smart MoneyIntraday Data vided by FACTSET and subject to terms of use

Historical and current end-of-day data vided by FACTSET

All quotes are in local exchange time

Real-time last sale data for U

Stock quotes reflect trades reported through Nasdaq only

Intraday data delayed at least 15 minutes or per exchange requirements.