Happiness researcher shares his '90-second rule' to live a better, more fulfilled life—it helps when you're angry or upset

Gawdat was devastated, confused and in a palpable state of shock

Then, 17 days later, he started writing a book on how to be happy, in his son's honor

Gawdat has reed the science of happiness for over 20 years from a logical and philosophical spective, using flow charts and formulas to get to the root of unhappiness

A while back, he learned a habit that can almost instantly help you find joy and fulfillment

It's called the 90-second rule, Gawdat told the "High Performance" podcast on June 17

When something angering or nerve-wracking happens in your life, give yourself a minute and 30 seconds to feel upset

Then, choose to focus on other things

The habit is based on insight Gawdat learned from Harvard-trained neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor, who found that it takes only 90 seconds for stress and anger hormones, cortisol and adrenaline, to be flushed out of the body. "But then what happens is, you run the thought in your head again, and you renew your 90 seconds," said Gawdat, who served as chief officer at Google X, the company's innovation lab, from 2015 to 2018. "You run it again, unconsciously, and you renew your 90 seconds

While in reality, what you get after those 90 seconds is a buffer. [which] allows you to say, 'Now, what am I going to do. '"Getting cut off while driving, for example, can be really agitating

You might yell or curse from behind the wheel, or even roll your window down to give the other driver a piece of your mind

But ruminating on the situation, telling everyone what happened when you get to the office, won't change it

So, what if you took a deep breath, turned your favorite song on, and sang along instead

To recover more quickly from life's upsets, Gawdat asks himself three questions, he said:Is it true

Can I do something it

Can I accept it and do something despite its presence. "Ninety percent of the things that make us unhappy are not even true

Your [partner] says something hurtful

Your brain is telling you [they] don't love you anymore," said Gawdat "That isn't true. "If your answer to question No. 1 is "no," drop it

If it's "yes," move on to question No. 2 and do the same thing over again

If there's something you can do it, do it, he said

If not, go into "committed acceptance" – meaning, acknowledge what's happened and accept it as your new normal

Building new habits can be difficult, especially when you're feeling emotional

But being cognizant of how you respond to tough moments in life is the first step to being happier and more fulfilled, says Gawdat. "Life doesn't give a s--- you," Gawdat told Simon Sinek's "A Bit of Optimism" podcast on June 24

It puts you in good and bad situations, and lets you figure out the rest. "It's your choice, how you react to every one of them

It's your choice to set your expectations realistically. "Are you ready to buy a house

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